Taking a Break For Now

Being online is taking up way too much time at the moment, and I'm not mentally, physically or anythinglly preparing for the huge life event that looms on the horizon. That's just plain naughty. So for now, I'll say a hearty sayonara to all on the big world wide web. I'll pop up online every once in a while until I feel a bit more stabilised to have a bit more time online.


Thankful!
For a change of pace every so often. It makes life interesting.

Too Tired To Care... Again?

This is kind of getting ridiculous. I only managed four hours last night. Four hours! It's hardly anything. But I'll stop complaining as, well, complainers can kind of grate on a person. 

I did manage to have an awesome day with Steven. We found some time to walk to the shops in search of a coffee grinder. Recently, I accidentally bought coffee beans to use in with a coffee plunger. Not accidental as in accidentally pushing the coffee beans through the scanner and accidentally having correct change falling out of my wallet. Just accidental in that I was not reading the label properly and just picked up any flavour which sounded good. 

We found no grinder but my mother phoned me to tell me that her blender can grind coffee beans as well. Problem solved. 

As it was around lunchtime, we looked for an oasis. Finding none, we settled instead on a tiny pancake place. It's a place that sells pancakes and you can sit at a table, so yeah, pancake place is the best name for it I can come up with.

I was craving a shaken (not stirred) milk with strawberry flavouring so I ordered one. Steven opted for a chocolate one. And for filling our stomachs, I asked for toasted white bread with salami and cheddar cheese. Steven, who actually likes pancakes, went for... pancakes. Expected a twist did you? Sorry.

I really enjoyed the milkshake and the toasted sandwich was not the best ever, but still quite good. But sadly for Steven, one of his pancakes caught the attention of a passing bee. She was probably quite hungry or whatever bees experience, as she took it upon herself to tuck right in. Steven was not too happy with her cheekiness. And it's not really like you can politely ask her to leave. Impolitely asking her to leave is an even worse idea. Bees are to be treated with respect, one wrong move and she'll kamikaze her stinger right into the offending person. All we could really do was watch her eat. In a way, it was kind of cute. Bees don't usually make a nuisance of themselves. At least, nowhere near the level that flies do. The bee ate happily and we ended our dining experience.

We did manage to grind some coffee a bit earlier, have our eyes roll back because of the glorious smell, and use the grounded coffee in the plunger. And, as I always say, coffee tends to smell much more awesome than what it tastes. But it's fine, we're going to perfect it. I should just keep an eye on my caffeine intake...

Thankful!

For sugar. Without it, coffee would not taste as good.

Epidurals?

Another glorious day out there, just look at all that sun. Well, you can't look, sorry that I go about suggesting such things when you can't comply. ...I can take a picture? I didn't hear you, la la la la la. I'm too lazy right now to get up, take a picture and upload it.

Um, well that was random. I apologise yet again.

Little Long is moving about so much. I hope that he's already upside down by now. It's going to get cramped in there so I'm expecting I'll be getting a little less kicks and punches before he comes out to meet us. Or am I just a little naive?

I'm very excited to meet him finally. We have bought more clothes and all the other things the hospital asks for and I already packed it all in a bag. But with the excitement comes a growing feeling of cold hard fear. Look, I'm not the toughest cookie out there. I can stand some pain, but from what I hear this will be sheer agony and I'm not really all that into sheer agony. I keep hearing about epidurals but, to be honest, I don't know if agony can be worse than having a needle and tube placed into your back. There are some success stories, but just as many that say about it being the worst decision. I'll stay away from the needle and deliver without, I think.

Thankful!
Food. I can eat so much nowadays.

Dream A Little Bigger, Darling

I'm telling you, there's something wrong with me. I try to stay strong every time, but I fail and tears stream down my face. I am, of course, talking about my weeping whenever I watch the last two minutes of Inception. I bawl like a little baby. Steven doesn't say a word, but he always gets that grin on his face which tells me that he loves me through all my strangeness. 


Yep, that was our movie last night. I thoroughly enjoy it every time. It's exactly my cup of dried leaves brewed in hot water. Mostly because I am highly interested in dreams and, more importantly, lucid dreams. You know, those dreams where you "wake up" and realise that it's all just a dream. Most people, when faced with the realisation that they are dreaming and can do whatever they want to, do just that. But during my few lucid dreams, I've come to the conclusion that my subconscious hates me and wants me to fail. Whenever I try to change a dream to my liking, it ends and I wake up. So, instead of trying to change things, I decided to observe the dream. And so I did on a few occasions, and I learnt a few things.


You know how you can only vaguely remember a dream when trying to remember it? One might come to the conclusion that dreams are all hazy as a result of that. Not so! Dreams are incredibly vivid. In fact, you never realise something's off because it never looks off. In one lucid dream, I found myself in one of those underground parking garages that some buildings have. There were a lot of cars and the area was lit up by fluorescent lights. So I said to myself "Pay attention." and I listened to myself for once. I kid you not, those cars reflected the lights as it would in the real world. Everything in dreams are as they would be in real life, and it's quite spooky. In other dreams, I paid close attention to my other senses to see if they would also say that dreams act just like reality and all five senses were happy with what they found. A piece of chocolate cake tastes like real cake, a can of green apple flavoured deodorant smelled exactly like green apples would smell. I was once in a humongous field and felt a most pleasant breeze blowing all around me. Not to mention voices and all other sounds are like the real thing. The next time you have a lucid dream, try it for yourself. Commit to memory how your senses react to everything your mind creates. I'm positive you won't be disappointed with what you find.


Now that I've rambled due to tiredness, I can say about our Anniversary! 


It's been three awesome years that Steven and I celebrated today. The usual sunny SA is quite cool and cloudy. And here's what happened at the restaurant where we had our coffee...


Our waitress looked like she would much rather fall into a snake pit than serve us. But I keep smiling as friendly as I can. (I see more and more that it doesn't help. But anyways.) We ordered our coffee and dessert and she brought it. And then she brought the bill right after. As she walked away, I raised my eyebrow at Steven and asked "Did we ask for the bill?". He answered in the negative and I was quite happy that I wasn't losing my memory very rapidly. It was too bad for her, as I might have wanted another coffee. But she made up my mind for me. After a while, she came back to our table. "Do you want to order anything else?" I said no thanks to which she replied "Because I want to go on my lunchbreak now." I just smiled friendlier and said that we're all peachy. 


I understand her wanting to take a break, perhaps she had a really tough morning, but at the same time I could see that she was being unprofessional. I used to treat all my customers with the same level of respect and friendliness, no matter how awful my day was. And trust me, some days were downright disturbingly awful. At any rate, before I ramble on, I'll go on with the actual story. I told Steven what was said as it was all in Afrikaans. He just sat back drank the rest of his coffee in his own time. I usually tip a little more than 10% as I know how awesome it is to get that little extra for all the hard work you do. But this lady didn't deserve her ten percent or whatever percentage more I usually choose to give so she got considerably less. 


In the end, I'm not complaining, even if it seems like it. I was hoping for a great time out with Steven, and through all that, I did enjoy being with him. And in the end, that's all that matters.


Thankful!
For coffee. Sometimes it can be quite bland and sometimes the smell is better than the actual taste. But all in all, quite an awesome little bean.

Tomorrow's Our Anniversary...

I've never been less prepared for any important date as I am tonight, on the eve of our Anniversary. Actually, no, that's a lie. I usually didn't care much for any important date. I guess I slightly take after my mom, she goes to sleep early on New Year's. Every year. Her excuse? It's just a day like any other. I suppose she's right. The world never imploded on New Year's, Christmas, Valentine's Day or Taco Day. See, that would have been a day to remember. "Christmas '94? Ah, yes, the day the world was destroyed. The turkey was slightly overdone that time."

It's just that I really want Steven to know that I can't live without him and the day we got married will always be a day I want to remember. Corny? I don't care. All of us have something that we are strange over. For me, it's my husband. I need him to know how much he means to me. So, for tomorrow... I don't know what to do! But he's very relaxed about it all, which is really awesome and makes me less stressed about being so clueless.

And if anyone's wondering about my learning a new language, I still want to but the website wants to push "friends" onto me! I'm too picky to make friends with just anyone. I need a long time to get to know someone before I can call them a friend. It makes life slightly less complicated. Does it make me a bad person? I wonder about that.

Thankful!
I am thankful for Steven. He's the most awesome man I've ever met. He's so good at everything he wants to do, which makes me quite proud.

Sleeptyping...

Warning: The following blog post contains way too much information of the author. Only read if you dare or don't care, I guess. 


I suffer so badly from tiredness right now, I might just end up typing gibberish. I just get worse and worse at this sleeping thing. I know you can die from lack of sleep, I just wonder how much sleep you have to lack...


And in other news and the reason why I warned my public: I... uh... Leak. Milk. It only happened twice now and it started this weekend. The first time I leaked a clear fluid and only noticed after I started feeling wet on my right arm. I was laying on my right side so it leaked onto my arm. I suspect my arm and other breast were squeezing it out of me.


I woke up last night to go to the bathroom and when I got back in bed, I noticed a strange coarse feeling on my left arm, it almost felt like saltwater that dried up. I immediately knew what it was, and switched on the light to check the bedding and such. It was dried white crystals on my arm, so this time is was proper milk colour. Apparently it's called Colostrum or something along those lines. I got a little worried as I've not yet seen about lactating before birth, and so I assumed that you only start after meeting the tiny milk-drinker. But the internet said it's normal to start during the third trimester so I feel better about it now. I also saw someone saying it's a good sign for getting on well with the whole lactation thing for the time that the baby needs it.


And there we go, gibberish typed and I'm feeling even more tired than I did before I started. I bid thee good night at 3 PM. 


But before I go...

Thankful!
Even while gaining weight and inches where the baby's at, I seem to be losing inches everywhere else. Seriously, I think I look really good for a pregnant chick.

Languages!

Oh dear. If I don't become a bit more interesting very soon, I'll bore myself to death. I don't think I've ever heard of "Death by boring oneself.", but I do start to believe it can be achieved. I should get a hobby. A proper hobby. I know a lot about this one online game and try to help out people on the forums there, but it's not all that productive or conversation-starting now, is it?


I do want to learn a new language or six. I have it all planned out. First I want to learn Dutch and German because my native language, Afrikaans, was derived from other languages including Dutch. I can understand most Dutch words. And I can understand some German as well purely because of my Afrikaans background. Then I'll move on to French, Spanish and Italian. And right at the end as I believe it might be difficult: Cantonese or Mandarin. I still have to figure which one out those last two. 


So, how exactly? I found a website called Livemocha.com that seems to have beginner to intermediate courses for free. I just tried a bit of the Dutch course. But they do want me to speak words out loud, record them and then have random strangers judge my speech. I manage to come across as an idiot in my own language, do I really want to be making a fool of myself and bore others in multiple languages? Is it really worth it? Hmmm...


I'll go through with it and see. I am doing this for my child, after all. Yes, I want little Long to have a great advantage in life. I want my tiny future pacifier-user to be able to talk to everyone in the world. I thought it was a brilliant idea when first I watched The Boondock Saints and I still think it's a brilliant idea. So, little Long, mommy will make a fool of herself just for you. I think I'll be saying that a lot for the next 70 - 80 years... 


My word, it's a long time to commit yourself to a person, isn't it? I've fully committed myself to my husband for that duration, but in all fairness, I knew him quite well at the point of commitment. This tiny little person growing inside of me is still a stranger in a lot of ways. I'm stumbling blindly into a new relationship, probably one of the biggest, most challenging and yet most fulfilling relationships of my entire life. But I know nothing about this ickle kick-boxer. All I know is that I can't wait to get to know him better. 


Thankful!
I'm thankful for diversity. Sure, we humans can hate those who are different, but is there any point to it? I want to celebrate the differences instead. In fact, life would be awful if we're all the same.