Too Tired To Care

I didn't write a post yesterday as I didn't even have the strength to phone it in like I did the last few times. It was the third night in a row for being horizontal in bed and yet wide awake for hours. And I couldn't even blame my bathroom needs this time around. Oh no. This time it was due to some neighbour having the need to put music on really loud whilst being drunk and shouting all kinds of nonsense out of her window. All this at 2:30 am. Mind you, it wasn't even St. Paddy's Day, which might have made a bit more sense.

I shouldn't want to pay her back, but I do. I hope she will be the only person other than myself that my baby wakes up at all hours of the night. I reckon that if you want to act like a moron to other people, you should get exactly what you do to them in return.

But anyhow, enough about strange neighbours.

This morning I went with Steven, my mom and her sister to my grandma's brother's Golden Anniversary. (Yes, I did just want to put a lot of family members in one sentence.)
I didn't know the people at all, having only met the happy couple when I was a tiny baby. So the rest of them didn't even stand a chance of being met before today. They are all good ol' Afrikaans people. But with Steven and I not being good at mingling, we ended up sitting in the corner while going through an Afrikaans magazine. I figured the magazine was a great opportunity to help Steven learn more Afrikaans. We should actually go to more parties, it's a fantastic time to catch up with old magazines and study new languages.

Don't get me wrong, the people we met there are all quite awesome and interesting. It's just that we're never good at socializing. Steven won't be happy about me saying this, but he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was a child. For those who don't know, it's on the autism spectrum. He's highly intelligent but can't deal very well with social situations. And to be honest, I'm so sure I have that too. It would explain all of my life so far. I was never able to fit in at school, always had my thoughts elsewhere rather than focusing on the people around me and, if ever I met you, be sure that I will never keep in contact. Facebook makes life a little simpler for keeping in touch, but even then it's just a quick "like" here and there with occasional sentences to make things a bit more interesting. But people not on my Facebook won't ever know what happened to me. And it does make me sad, thinking about all those people every once in a while and feeling horrible about not keeping in touch.

Now, here's where it gets a bit more tricky. According to limited internet research, Asperger's is hereditary. A word here meaning "Good luck, little Long, you'll need it.". When I think about everything that's ever happened to me because I was "not normal", I cringe. I suppose other kids will be mean and nasty no matter what, but it's almost like they can sense social awkwardness and really gun such a person down. Hopefully not literally, as that kind of anarchy is frowned upon and rightly so.

I should really get diagnosed by a professional, though, as I would like to know for sure. At least then I can explain myself when a person talks to me and all comprehension just walks off, leaving my head unattended. Trust me, it's no fun looking like a goldfish when someone asks you a simple question. There's no way to look normal with bulging eyes and a mouth opening and closing with no words floating out.

Thankful!
Raise your glass to parties, huzzah! Here's to tiny amounts of socializing! I believe it keeps me sane. Everyone, no matter how socially awkward, needs a bit of interaction with other human beings. Which makes me thankful that there's so many of them on this planet. You can't swing a stick without hitting one. Which you really shouldn't as they won't like it so much.